I acknowledge thee.......

The thesis is complete, done, finito, and with that comes the acknowledgement of the many people who helped with the process. So here they are, in their entirety, have at it.....


This thesis and degree would not be possible without the support and guidance of many people. First and foremost I would like to thank God for leading me down this path and providing me with the strength and courage to continue on. He has blessed me in so many ways, Jeremiah 29:11.

My family also provides me with a source of entertainment, a getaway from the life of a graduate student, and a never-ending love that never ceases to amaze me. To Mom and Dad, Gram, John-John, Stephanie, Morgan, and my future niece, I love you. Thank you for not fainting when I said I was moving to North Carolina, supporting me in my decision and putting up with the drives to and fro.

I would like to thank the NC State Fair Staff, Ms. Carol Turner and Ms. Linda Kerns for patiently putting up with my requests during fair season. To my "buddies" at NCDA, Ben and Billy, thank you, without you this study would truly not be possible.

An enormous thank you goes out to the Agriculture and Extension Education Department at NC State. Special thanks to Dr. K.S.U. Jayaratne, Dr. Mark Kistler, Dr. David Jones, and Dr. Jim Flowers for all the tremedous support. Whether it was a source of entertainment, an encouraging word, or just a lending ear, it was all greatly appreciated.

I must thank my biggest encourager, Dr. Jackie Bruce. Not only is she a great educator, researcher, mentor, she is a great person, through and through. Thank you for dedicating so much of your time and energy to not only this thesis, but my graduate program. Without you, it would not have been the same. You have provided me with an amazing example on both a personal and professional level. I hope to someday be a fraction of the woman that you are.

I would next like to thank the Ricks Hall crowd, without which this process would be a lot less entertaining. Jessica Smith Harris and Lauren Mouton, thank you for being the other 2/3 of the "army of grad student." Many days turned into nights in the back of Ricks 207, for which I am eternally grateful. Michael Coley, thank you for adding a much needed dose of testosterone in the office and being my resident tech. nerd. Lendy Johnson, too much needs to be said, my office wife, Mitch's regular, and late night resident of Ricks. More than that, you're a friend, a support that is constantly there, through thick and thin. Thank you. Mitch's gumbo and sweet tea will always be our double order.

Last, but certainly not least, to my best friend Jeff. Thank you for those many drives to Raleigh just to watch me research and write. Know that you have the same coming to you. Thank you for the distractions when needed, support when I was about to crumble, and the unconditional love.

Get Ready for a Long One

It's going to be a looooong one.... sorry in advance.

I'll even break it up for you, hopefully a second part coming this weekend. But for now, I'm inspired. Isn't that how it goes in blog-dom? You get inspired, have this blank canvas in front of you and boom, you get it all out. Opinions, attitudes, perceptions, moods, any of it, here is a place to pour it out. By my lack of writing, one would think that I don't enjoy this process. Actually, I relish in it, but rarely find the time, and/or inspiration to write. Most times I do think of something but then forget what the topic was by the time I get enough time to write it. Oh the vicious circle of a grad student life.

On to the topic. 101 in 1001. 101 goals in 1,001 days. Sounds like a fabulous idea to me. I saw this idea and thought it was brilliant. So I sat down and wrote out 101 goals. And yes, as a means of accountability they are all going up here. And so it begins:
1. Surprise visit my parents
2. Present my research at a conference
3. Visit Frank Lloyd Wright's Fallingwater
4. Eat dinner at 5 new restaurants
5. Visit Savannah again
6. Go to a Nationals game
7. Get back to Idaho
8. Go gambling
9. Go pumpkin/apple picking
10. Attend my cousin's wedding
11. Go camping- alot- Shenandoah Valley
12. Join an exercise class and go
13. See a play or musical
14. ROAD TRIP
15. Vacation with my brother and his precious family
16. Go to historical Virginia
17. Go snowboarding
Karma
18. Pay for the next person's in line meal
19. Give gratitude- once a month
20. Donate clothes I no longer wear
21. Write handwritten thank you notes
22. Send flowers
23. Mail birthday cards on time
24. Donate to a food bank
25. Make a wish
26. Say I'm sorry
Creativity
27. Scrapbook summer in Idaho
28. Scrapbook my neice, Morgan
29. Sew/Crochet gifts
30. Get pictures printed
31. Buy a new camera
32. 365 project- 1 good picture a day for a year
33. Sell my pictures
34. Make clipping book- My dream house
35. Make music
36. Play with Stephanie at church
37. Record
38. Play better guitar
Financial
39. Read Smart Women Finish Rich
40. Meet with a financial advisor
41. Have two months worth of paychecks in savings
42. Donate to NCSU
43. Get a credit card
44. Save $250 a month for 12 months
45. Start Travel Fund
46. Start Camera Fund
47. Talk with accountant and get a tax plan
48. Annual credit scores
Personal
49. Get a dog, a bloodhound
50. Inspire someone
51. Love more every day
52. Learn piano bar songs
53. Write in a journal for 10 days straight
54. Send out christmas cards on time
55. Make Gram's recipes
56. Keep apartment spotless for two weeks
57. Host dinner party for the grad students
58. Make my bed every day for a week
59. Try 10 new recipes
60. Study to be Paula Deen's protege
61. Go horseback riding
62. Clean my car, like really clean it
63. Watch last season Gilmore Girls
64. Put $5 in savings for each item on this list I complete
65. Graduate with a master's
66. Get a big-girl job
67. Live in a different state
Health and Fitness
68. Take yoga
69. Go for a walk 5 times in a week
70. Go without pop for 30 days
71. Go to the dentist regularly
72. Run at least once a week for a month
73. Lose those 10 pounds
74. Drink 48 oz. of water every day for a month
75. Stretch
Friendship & Family
76. Make a new friend
77. Call an old friend
78. Call grandma 12 times in 12 months
79. Talk to my brother more often
80. Be there for the birth of my new neice/nephew
81. Apologize
82. Accept more social invitations
83. BE NICE
Smarts
84. Read 3 books: The Last Lecture; Biographies: Chelsea Handler and G.W. Bush
85. Master's of Beef Advocacy
86. Keep up to date with news
87. More involved/knowledgeable with politics
Spiritual
88. Read the Bible
89. Attend church 12 times in 12 days
90. Join a Bible study
91. Pray
Work
92. Make a (good) name for myself
93. Visit possible doctoral programs
94. Find a mentor
95. Keep researching
Love
96. Continue to be deliriously happy
97. Love with abandonment
98. Find some rocking chairs
99. Travel- Near and Far
100. :)

101. Start another list when this one ends

Turkey Day!

Well it's almost turkey day, and that in itself makes me very, very happy.

As I have said before, fall is my favorite time of year, and Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. As I am writing this, the only thing that stands in my way of heading up 95 is about an hour, which I am waiting on the boyfriend. I am excited to head north, see my precious neice and spend some time with the family.

This is the first time I get to see my brother and his wife since we found out the good news that I will become an aunt again! It's short turn around, as my neice will turn 1 this December, unexpected, but nevertheless my family is thrilled. I love being an aunt and spoiling that child to death and can't wait for June when another will join our mix. Needless to say pap-pap is extremely excited, cause some little girl already stole his heart.

I am loving this break because I truly do have a break. I just finished Chapters 1-3 of my thesis and sent them to my chair for major revisions. I purposefully blocked out this time so I don't have to do school work. As soon as I come back I have a major project due, papers to grade, and data analysis to do. I will be working hard over the next few months writing the thesis, journal articles, and conference proceedings. Got to keep busy: publish or perish!

The last time Jeff came north, it was for Labor Day weekend, a short turnaround. This time it's for a few more days and we have no schedule besides Turkey Day, so I am looking forward to showing him around a bit more.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I realize that I have a lot to be thankful for in my life. I may not have alot in way of material possessions, but I have my health, and my family, and my few but faithful friends, and the most amazing boyfriend ever. I am able to have this amazing education, travel enough to satisfy me for now, and enjoy the simple things in life. I have love, hope, faith, joy, strength, drive and I know it all to my God. He is great and I know I owe it all to Him.
He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. Ephesians 3:20

Every day, and especially during Thanksgiving, I long for a simpler life. Yes, even though I am a lowly graduate student and don't really have that much going on right now besides my schoolwork, I have this vision. Not that I have my life planned out, heavens no. If you want to hear God laugh tell him your plans. Instead I have a vision, a wide porch with two rocking chairs, a pitcher of sweet tea, the sun setting, looking over rolling hills of land, cattle grazing just off in the distance, the tree off the house changing with the seasons. It's absolute perfection. Sigh. Some day, hopefully. I want to have cows, a farm, a steady job, replace Paula Deen, slow the pace of life waaaaay down. I just need to get out of the city. I've done my time living in the big metropolis for school. I am tired of school, for the first time in six years, I am saying I am tired of school and am ready, really ready to take a job. Fingers crossed, as we have some promising looking options :)

Happy Thanksgiving to all and take a moment to reflect on what you are thankful for!

Albert Einstein = Gretchen Wilson?

If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; play is y; and z is keeping your mouth shut.

Albert Einstein, 1950

Currently, X > Z > Y ...... hopefully (preferably sometime soon) I get a better balance and let X= Y > Z.

Then I'd be quoting Gretchen Wilson, white trash and all.....

"I work hard, I work hard, I work hard..... I play harder."

To Those I've Loved Along the Way

To most, it won't come as a shock when I say that I love Eric Church. Last year I had an unhealthy obsession, where as this year it's come to more of a deep-seeding appreciation for the truthfulness that he brings to his music. I can only hope that someday (someday) when I have time to devote to my music that I can bring the same honesty and emotion to life through a melody. Yes, he's kind of a rebel, and yes most of the time he doesn't give a shit and does his own thing. Probably why I like him so much, ain't going to lie. For example, he was offered to tour with Rascal Flatts over four years ago, when Rascal Flatts' popularity was 110 and his was virtually 0. However, he refused to censor some of his songs and completely omit others and therefore was dropped from the tour. Since then he has risen from the depths of the dingy music halls in Nashville to make NC proud with several top ten hits and a bright future ahead of him in the country music industry, under his own rules.

One of his songs that I have always liked is "Those I've Loved," about those people who have wandered in and out of his life but ultimately have made him the person he is today. I never put much thought into the context until I started to think of it less of romantic relationships and family deaths and more of friends.

I am a lousy friend. I'll be the first to admit it. I don't call when I'm supposed to, I don't keep in touch enough, I don't ask the right questions. Sometimes I think it gets mistaken for disinterest or not caring. I'm not trying to make excuses, that's the last thing I would want to do. All I am saying is that it takes a conscious effort for me to share and listen to others emotions. That just wasn't hard-wired in somewhere. I am a task oriented person. I'll remember your birthday or that your favorite color is blue. I'll drop anything and do something for a friend. But emotions, it's a work in progress.

And I hope they know
I never would have made it this far on my own
Where would we all be without those
Fathers and mothers, sisters and brothers,
Of friends I've made, the long lost lovers
I wouldn't be who I am today
If not for those I've loved along the way.

I've lost friends over the years, for one reason or another. Mostly stupid arguments, some not. Some I was really hurt, and others I hurt them. I am not proud of this, not even close. Others say to me, "there's a reason those from the past don't make it to your future." But is that true? Some people I know seem to have never had an argument with a friend before in their life. I don't see how that is possible. I don't like confrontation, but I would rather put the facts out there than dance around an issue.

Looking back, reflecting as my new found education department likes to call it, there are some friendships that needed to end, others not so much, and others that just fell apart and I still don't know why. Others fell apart and most if not all of the fault lies within myself. Those are the dark moments. The ones I still think about, the ones that I regret and the ones I would give anything to go back to. I talk about this as if it is a truckload of friendships that I have swept to the wayside, when really the ones I truly care about, the ones that I have cried over, I can count on less than one hand. Those are the ones that matter to me. The ones that make me wonder "what if?" What if I had been more considerate? More compassionate? Shut my mouth for two seconds, not fly off the handle?

This has been an ongoing progression, from high school until present day. And as my mentor's put it, it doesn't get any easier as you age. I could hope. I have my friends. The ones I can count on. The ones I know I could pick up the phone for at 4am. A couple from PA, a couple from NC it's good for me. I have had many acquaintances, friendships out of convenience. But that's all they were, some to party with, some to study with, some that were just there. If I picked up the phone to call them, honestly, they would probably ask who? But then again, if the table's were reversed, I would probably say the same thing. That's not to mean that they are less important in my life, because at the time, they were important, but there are those that I know will always, ALWAYS, be there for me. And there is always room for more of those.

This rant of mine was a long time coming (and an extremely long post). Something that recent events have triggered that I needed to get off my chest. I feel like I am in a 12 step program, even though no substance abuse is had on this end. I feel like I need to apologize to those who I felt I wronged. That somehow, even though it is ridiculously late (months to years) it might make some smidgen of difference because it's the right thing to do.

"Put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption." Psalm 130:7.

Personality Overload

Data collection is over. Repeat that, Data collection is over.

The weight of relief that is off my shoulders is astronomical. I would be jumping for joy if my sinus headache would allow it. Instead, I am loving this piece of information quietly and settling in on my couch with homemade chicken noodle soup, a good movie and the promise of carving pumpkins tomorrow with the Mr.

For those who don't know, my thesis research has been going on since last Wednesday, the 13th. That is, I have been at the NC State Fair for 10 straight days, and quite frankly I don't want to see it again for quite some time, like a year. For my research I needed to survey kids showing livestock at the fair between the ages of 16-21. It was a lot of being personable, smiling, being talkative and inquisitive. (Special shout out to those who suffered with me: The Always Helpful Mr. Jeff, My Office Wife Ms. Lendy, and the Ever Cheerful Mr. Michael along with my NCDA buddies, and last but not least, my Momma, from 500 miles away).

Typically, I consider myself a personable person, a people person, it's why I chose Extension. I love talking to people, I love finding out what they are doing, and at the beginning I thought I got pretty lucky at my research. I got to be at a place I like (the fair), talking to people I like (farmers and their kids) talking about stuff I like (their farms, 4-H, FFA, leadership). Grant it, I am extremely lucky with my research, because looking back I still didn't have that bad of a time. I was worried about response rate but ended up with 67%, (unofficially, still need a final count). But by today I just realized something about myself talking to my momma.

I was tired of begging. I am an independent person, no shock there. I don't like depending on others to get my work done. That's probably the worst part of my thesis for me; knowing that the fate of my degree rests in the hands of 16-21 year olds. I had a slight panic attack when I realized that. It was the beginning of the fair, one of the big days that three species were checking in at once. I realized that my fate rests in the hands of high schoolers who don't even know who I am. Wooooooooo. Had to remind myself to breathe. After that panic attack, we move on to.......

Personality overload.
Now as said previously, I like talking to people. But by today, I had enough. I'm sick (literally have a cold) and tired (sleep deprived) and just did not have it in me. It was down to my last two groups of show kids, dairy cattle and dairy goats. I walked the barns this morning, it was horrendous. One round produced 4 surveys. Wait ten minutes, another round produced 2. It's harder with people that you have never seen before in my life. By the end of the beef Jr. shows I was feeling good. I know most of the people, the parents recognize me from helping out for the past 4 years, and they don't mind pestering their own kids to take my survey. Again with the other species, I at least knew someone who was showing to help me out and point me in the right direction. This weekend I was completely lost and I don't like feeling lost. Cue my personality problem.

Because of my complete cold turkey walk-ups and the combination of the cold and exhaustion, I feel like I didn't give it my all today. I just wasn't into it. I got sick of talking to people. It came to the point where I felt like people were harder to talk to and it was disappointing as well as frustrating. It's when I decided to call it off, do a final count and consult with the higher powers. These higher powers turned out to be Drs. Bruce, Croom, and Jones, who got called in to see how good 63% looked. That is, 133 out of 210 surveys. I got a good job from the later, but the ever pushing advisor edged me on. It's funny about expectations, if someone raises them for you, you usually rise to meet them. More on that later, and my gratefulness for those people in my life.

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.........

Fall is in the air, and I couldn't be happier :)



I was just thinking today that I am so grateful my thesis research is going on now, because any other season and I just might not make it through. It has been a rough go at it, but thankfully, the data collection should be over very soon.

State fair season is typically one that I look forward to every year. It's my time to help out with the cattle shows, something that I always enjoy doing. However, this year the state fair was tarnished for me with my data collection. Mind you, I do want to do a thesis, and I constantly need to remind myself of that, it was just such a drag :( It was and continues to be a lot of stress. I hate having to depend on other people, like the office lady's at the fair for a master list of exhibitors, and depending on others to get me a parking pass, and others to actually fill out the survey. I hate having to beg, it's just not in me; but for the past five days I have been putting on a happy face and begging people to take my survey. It is damn tiring. Yesterday I slept in, then fell asleep in the afternoon, and again last night.... oops. Thankfully, I have an understanding boyfriend who is keeping me sane through all of this.

Hopefully the next few weeks will bring a mini-vacation for the boyfriend and I, some down time, carving pumpkins and relaxing. Hopefully.... but as the life of a grad student goes, something will inevitably come up.

Is it sad that I am so looking forward to Thanksgiving?